Losing it...

*just a warning: you may not find this interesting :)

To kick off catch up week, I should start by filling you all in with something very important...yes, I am losing it. But don't worry, it's definitely a good thing. At first it wasn't though, something happened that I never would have imagined would happen to me. I even once told Cade that if this thing did happen that he did have permission to kick me in the shins and poke me in the eye...or something like that. I know I'm making this sound dramatic, so I'll get to the point. I am on a diet! I had reached a weight that, lets just say, I was more than unhappy with and I was sick of being unhealthy. Not only was I unhealthy, but I was unhappy with the way that I felt, looked and was treating my body. So after a surge of motivation and telling my will power that it better step it up, I started a lifestyle-changing diet. Let me just paint a little picture for you...on average at the height of my unhealthiness, I was drinking 1-3, 44 ouncers of MD or DP and I was lucky if I ate anything at all, let alone an actual well balanced meal. If I was hungry I'd always just grab whatever was quick...chips, candy, snacky snacks, you name it! I have currently been on my intense, crazy will-power needing diet for just over a month now and I have now been off sugar, caffeine (yes that's right, my beloved Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper) and (for now) starches and carbs, for 29 days. At first I had massive headaches from the sugar and caffeine withdrawal, at one point I even thought I might be going blind, but after sticking to it and not cheating once, I have currently lost 21 pounds! woot, woot! I actually eat well balanced meals, every day! I still have a ways to go before I feel like I'm at a healthy place, but at least now I am doing something! I don't feel like I am where I want to be, but the fact that I am making a change, a healthy change, I feel so good! Not that any one out there cares about my dieting and weight woes, but I may or may not keep you updated. Not only with progress, but I'll be sharing some of my surprisingly yummy and healthy recipes that have helped me lose some poundage. :)

Having a little extra weight on you, really can be a self-image buster and a self-confidence suck, but as cheesy as this sounds, along with working on becoming healthier and losing weight, I am trying to focus on my self-worth and appreciating myself for who and what I am. There are so many girls out there, that are at, what I'd consider to be, an ideal weight and they still consider themselves "fat". I seriously hate that! I don't know how it got to that point in our society where we are never satisfied or are constantly looking to be better or different than we are. I'm all about self-improvement, but there's definitely a difference between aspiring to be better and self-improvement and never being happy with where you are in life and who and what you are. I actually recently read a book called, "Artichoke's Heart",

It was a pretty good book. It was entertaining and "heart-warming" I guess you could say. It's an easy read, so you'd get through it quick. But it's about a girl who is struggling with her weight and finding self worth. The girl in it has a funny sense of humor about it too. Here's a little excerpt.

"Mother spent $700 on a treadmill 'from Santa' that I will never use. I won't walk three blocks when I actually want to get somewhere, much less run three miles on a strip of black rubber only to end up where I started out in the first place. Aunt Mary gave me two stupid diet books and three tickets for the upcoming conference at Columbia Stated called "Healing the Fat Girl Within." (I'm sensing a theme here). Normally, I'm not a materialistic sort of person, but lets just say this was one disappointing Christmas. "

My favorite part about the book was actually a poem written by Emily Dickinson, "Hope Is The Thing With Feathers"

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

I think it's such a beautiful poem! It makes me want to go out and buy Emily Dickinson's book of poems right now! I made a little printable to hang above my computer. Click {HERE} if you want to download one for yourself!